The Five Reasons Why Men Should Control Women’s Reproduction

February 16, 2012 Michael Kaufman

There are concerted efforts by the extremists who now run the Republican Party to push through draconian laws in the United States that not only make abortions unavailable under any circumstances but put huge barriers to women obtaining safe and effective forms of contraception.

Why Men Should Control Reproduction

In recent days, both the Republican presidential primaries, hearings in the US Congress, and programs on Fox “News” have featured a parade of men stepping up to the microphone to tell women how to run their bodies.

There are those who wonder why men should be in charge of organizing women’s reproductive doings. But there are at least five strong reasons why this should be so:

1.) Father knows best.  Enough said.

2) It’s tradition (and Lord knows, we don’t have enough good old traditions anymore.) Take the Pope. The Pope has long told half-a-billion Catholic women that having abortions or using birth control is a mortal sin. Now, it’s true that most of these women don’t listen to him (otherwise, there’d now be five billion Catholic women on the planet.) But at least the Pope tries.

3) Men really really really want to have control over life and death. Come on, cut some slack here, girls. It’s always been tough on guys. I mean, you females pull off the ultimate magic trick in the universe. Feminist philosopher Mary O’Brien speculated that patriarchy emerged 8,000 or so years ago as a way for men to control women’s reproduction. That’s a lot of work for guys! You know, setting up a whole system of laws, beliefs, social structures, and religions, then forcing women into submission, and then going to war to conquer other groups of men. Shouldn’t men get a reward for all that hard work? Like controlling women for another 8,000 years?

4) Women shouldn’t have the right to control their own bodies and reproduction because they can’t be trusted to know what’s best for themselves. How do we know that? Because most women think they should have the right to choose to have an abortion if they wish and, overwhelmingly, that they should have the right to safe and effective forms of birth control. And since I, as a man, say they shouldn’t have that right, then, obviously, women don’t know what’s best for themselves…. (Google “circular argument” if this point doesn’t make sense to you.)

5) Men are so much smarter than women. (Just look at the towering figures running for the Republican presidential nomination.)  Men are more rational. (Just watch the crowd at Hooters or at any sports event.) Men are closer to God. (Just ask all those Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and Hindu fundamentalist guys who kill those people they disagree with.)

Afterword (on a more serious note): Please check out the statement, Men for Women’s Choice.  

And another afterword (November 2015):  Ever since I wrote this in 2012 I’ve had regular comments from readers who thought this was a serious blog. I would have hoped it would be obvious  that this is a satirical piece because of a) the utter nonsense of the article,  b) the way that throughout it actually includes a critique of what is being said, and c) from everything else on my website. But since there is so much anti-woman crap being spewed by far too many men and because of the sheer viciousness of the organized anti-choice movement (including encouraging harassment of women seeking abortions, unfair laws, and the murder of physicians providing this medical service to women), some readers (both female and male) thought this blog was serious.  So, please be assured, this is political satire meant to critique those men (and, sadly some women) who actually do believe that men should control women’s reproduction. Let me be clear: I am definitely not one of those men.  

60 Comments on “The Five Reasons Why Men Should Control Women’s Reproduction

  1. I am a 13 year old activist who has coordinated a project between three major anti-trafficking groups, written a bill that is being introduced in the Colorado legislature, and raised thousand of dollars for anti-trafficking programs. I am also a woman. (Actually I’m a girl) I loved this article and I commend you on your honesty and sense of humor.

  2. Thank your stars that I re-read your post before attacking you with comments and pages worth of statistics and studies. I am an independent, self-reliant girl, a feminist and a Christian. I also believe that women have full control over THEIR OWN BODIES.

    1. Of course it’s a joke. It is satire. … But awful that there are people out there who hold ideas like this!

  3. I agree but #4 is just wrong. if its my body then it mine. if its my hair its MINE, not yours. There is such thing as being overly – dominant, and that’s what you’re being thinking that women shouldn’t own their bodies. Sure men are supposed to be dominant but not so dominant that you think that you own women. The bible says that if you hurt your wife then you’re hurting yourself also ( idk what verse though )

    1. oops no I don’t agree at all. but I can take birth control if I want to, I fi don’t want to have kids then I’m not going to have kids and you can’t force me too. If you don’t want me to get rid of this baby then why did you put it in me in the first place. If I have babies and I cant take care of it then its just going to be put in foster care. If I don’t want a child then I’m not going to have it wether you like it or not. This baby is inside my body and I didn’t say it can stay there, so its leaving me.

      1. All human beings were created as equals, deserve equal rights, respect and status. We all have claim over our own bodies and the stuff in the original post was all bull crap. I’m glad that it was all a joke, or I would have sent him pages and pages of studies and statistics. I am a feminist and I hope you will all join us in fighting for the oppressed.

  4. Even if this is a joke I am offended. I completely agree that abortions should not be legal. I also think the women are equal to men. I think women should also be more careful when throwing their body. I think women have a right to birth control because having more then ten kids is crazy, that is that birthing more than ten kids is crazy. And also “Father knows best.” What kind of crap is that. Women carry this child for nine months and the nurse it for months. Then they comfort this child until they are into adulthood. Very offensive.

  5. :O what!!!?, i would’t call dat “control” if i were u…we came 2 d world alone,d only one who should b doing d controling is pal, guys dont control girls. More over,not all guys are that smart,there are dumb ones amongst us. I agree with d gurl dat said sometin about rape, dat doesn’t give us warranty 2 kill the innosent child. I believe if we seek for help 4rm God,he will answer us. And again…thanks 4 d tip.

  6. Don’t forget this new rule, women should be in control of men’s bodies and thus their penises, because with viagra and other sexually stimulating drugs, men do not control their sexual urges and as a result tend to want to lay it somewhere, anyehere, even with some woman offers it to him, he may go for it.
    So you see men, want to control women’s bodies, so women let us run for Congress and make laws controlling men’s bodies. I’ll bet they will learn some sense then!! 1-28-13

  7. I was about to flip shit at you oh my goodness, thank The Lord this is a joke, I was about to throw up.

  8. I searched online for ‘why men control women bodies feminist’.I was looking for an article i read on my ipod.I ignored this blog result it just hurt me to see someone was abusing women again.then I decided to leave an opinion and so i opened the link.I skimmed through the article for I didnt want its acidity to scathe me.But then I realized it wasn’t just another women are weaker;no reason given dialogue.I read and I laughed and here I am writing this.I feel good that people are doing such work for we need support and we need lots.WE are strong human beings.We can ride over this adversity.

  9. Holy Mother freaking damn. Seeing the headline I thought you were actually serious for a moment. LOL well done! Scathingy sarcastic: I LOVE it!

  10. oh gosh can stop laughing, this is perfect for my AP US history project hope you don’t mind me borrowing some of your opinions, with the mention of the website url and your name quoted of course 🙂

  11. At first I thought you to be serious, and I was pretty hella pissed. I get it now, this is really funny!

  12. I feel sick that grown men can say that they “own” a human beings body. we are not slaves. I’m a 14 year old girl and I believe that all people are equal. A lot of boys my age would be playing xbox and talking about boobs but I’m reading about controversial topics and you still argue that men are smarter then women. claps for you society.

    1. I completely agree with you! This blog is a satire of those men and boys who think men/boys should control women/girls. Thanks for your comment!

  13. Am I the only one that finds this to be a gross over-statement?
    “but put huge barriers to women obtaining safe and effective forms of contraception.”
    Perhaps, my understanding of the issue is wrong and if so could someone enlighten me.
    But, it is my understanding that the contraception opposition is ONLY regarding the claim that tax payers should pay for contraception and only contraception for women, and yet again only contraception that does not reduce disease (i.e. either male or female condoms).
    So, really it is a fiscal responsibility issue rather than anything at all in the way of discriminating against men, or women, or contraceptive choices.
    Just because some fat Republican supported called someone names does not make it an equality issue.

    1. Hello Jason, It’s true, some people have used the excuse of state funding for contraception as the reason to effectively deny contraception to many women who can’t afford it. But deeper down is the argument made by many religious fundamentalists (including those forces who have effectively taken over the Republican Party) against women’s right to decide themselves whether to become pregnant and have a baby. Not having that right means a woman doesn’t have control over the major thing that will effect the course of her life (in many cases, including jobs and career). So, indeed, it is an equality issue. … Thanks for your comment.

      1. I live in Canada where we have heavily socialised medicine.
        We have several women only programs to spend the public’s money. And, no balancing programs so that men are equally represented in their healthcare for their assumed equal contribution in taxes that pay for that medical care. Prostate cancer funding matching breast cancer funding given the occurrence rates and mortality rates would be one place to start, funding Gardasil for boys as well as for girls (HPV causes cancer in men too and how effective is treating only one subset of a population where they are quite likely to be infecting each other and 100% vaccination is not achievable), research on male contraceptive treatments allowing mutual responsibility and bodily autonomy for both men and women, you can see what I mean I am sure.

        So, when you say “it is an equality issue” you may be correct but it is still by no means an anti-woman inequality issue.

        It strikes me as very odd that, if the goal is to prevent pregnancy among women that can ill afford to support a child and raise it to its’ full potential that the smarter strategy would be to show a societal cost analysis.
        I would bet that providing contraceptives for those women that can show inability to pay in comparison to the costs society is going to incur in looking after the children she will produce, would sway fiscally responsible people that otherwise might oppose the idea of paying for this.

        Also, even in the US with its’ higher “religiosity” population I can assure you that these people do not oppose contraception in great enough numbers to affect even one policy. How am I so sure? The complete lack of towns filled with families consisting on parents and 20 or so children in each family. These people are using contraception themselves so, that claim doesn’t appear to be valid.

        I am still unconvinced this is the result of anything other than an emotional response to defend a young woman from an overweight, arrogant, loud-mouths personal insults.

        Atleast they did not give the young woman the same response that we give young men not wishing to be fathers, which is, “Well, then don’t have sex.”

        I am seeing some inequality but, not in the direction your article suggests it flows.

      2. I don’t support tax payers paying for women’s contraceptives. My birth control costs $8 a month. My mother was homeless and unemployed, had no money at all, but could go into a health clinic or planned parenthood and they gave her free condoms. If a woman, or man, can’t afford birth control, they shouldn’t have sex at all.

  14. hahah..u make me laugh…cause guess what..the whole man control thing is comming to an end. i would be crazy to let a men control me or my body. this is not the 1600s…GET WITH THE TIME!!!!

  15. Where in this political so-called “discussion” is the man’s responsibility not to have sex? I guess that’s the idea–it isn’t “moral” to have sex unless married. While abortion is not, in my view, to be used as a method of birth control, it is occasionally necessary to terminate a pregnancy. To force women to bear unwanted children–especially when rape/ incest or a woman’s health is involved–is unacceptable. The people who want to turn the USA into a theocracy should then not worry a bit about the Taliban, etc. (of course, we are fighting for oil, not democracy and equal rights), since they want it to be a man’s world, too.

  16. A man who produces a child and refuses to be a fahter is a deadbeat…a woman who gets pregannant and refuses to be a mother is “pro-choice”.

    1. A man alone doesn’t ‘produce’ a child.the child has to have two sets of chromosomes from two different sexes for fertilization to happen.So its not anyone person’s.when fertilization happens the egg doesn’t enter the females body.those who don’t want to make babies when they have sex,both sexes have options to avoid fertilization and have sex.a man should wear a condom and a women can use other devices.since pills and devices need monitoring and may require a nurses help in using are they are not as quick as slipping on a condom which can be done so right before sex.also if we are recognize equal responsibility then its a man’s responsibility to use a condom.and have sex with a partner who wants the same experience.the egg doesn’t plant it self in the man’s’ dose so in a women and yes whether she wants it or not is her decision.You have a choice,you aren’t between a rock and a hard place.You arent a victim.Just use a condom so you dont send your sperms in for fertilization.that’s your decision.Another thing you oppose a women’s ability to have or not have an what you want is all women to abort ‘for a poor man may not want to have the baby after he fertilized the egg’ or to do what a man wants.NOt should control their behaviour.what happens next is hers.for a man wanting to avoid making babies a convenient advice:use a condom dude!And find someone who wants the same thing in this matter as you.And you can foolproofly control you semen with a condom.

    2. the man will choose to be a father when he is ready, the mother will choose to be a mother when she is ready… just as you explained ;] youre right, the father has it easy, he can just LEAVE but since a fetus is physically attached to her she cannot leave therefore her choice to ‘leave’ is abortion…

      1. “Honey I’m pregnant”
        is not something a father can say to his wife
        neither is he allowed to opt out of parenthood, unlike a mother

        Women allow men to become a parent, not the other way around

  17. Funny and scary at the same time! Aren’t some of these numbskulls the same ones preaching against Shariah law? Is total control of women a Sharian law? Hmmmm.

  18. what’s sad is, I’ve heard people say these things when they weren’t kidding so many times, at first I wasn’t sure if this was in jest or not.

  19. The sad thing is, some readers of this site will not see it as satire, and won’t get the joke 🙁

  20. Men should take charge of women’s reproduction by taking charge of their own, use a condom or get a vasectomy. In most cases, they can even abstain or ahem “take matters into their own hands”.

  21. I’ve actually heard some men (I am looking at you, Mark Driscoll!) make the argument that men should be in charge because women are irresponsible and have abortions, and men don’t. It all makes sense now….

    1. I [a woman] have been trying to open women’s eyes for a long time. Men really do want to control us and they have the nerve to say women are controlling.

  22. Interesting; why doesn’t the GOP just say it?
    We all know these are women-hating men; the pope being the ringleader.

    Not my body and not my life do any of you get to control.

    Very playful!

  23. HELL YEAH!!!!!!! I think the author missed reason #6.. it belongs right up there too…. more babies means a steady supply of SOLDIERS TO KILL! Double bonus if women are allowed in combat too!!

  24. Great and funny article.
    GOP’s were chased out of Medicare so jumped into uteruses.
    And it’s ‘Muslim’ not ‘Moslem’. If you insist on misspelling that, please spell rest as “Kritins’ ‘Joos’ and ‘Hinnduz’

      1. Actually Moslem has been used in English for centuries so it isn’t a misspelling but an alert native spelling and one that many followers of Islam have used with no difficulty.

  25. I love you. Thank you for writing this, and for being a male voice standing up for women’s rights. As Hilary Clinton has said in the past, women’s rights are civil rights. It’s sad how many people do not understand this.

    1. What rights do men have, that women do not?
      Seriously I really don’t understand. Maybe it’s my upbringing and perceiving life through testosterone tinted glasses. I must be missing something.

      1. Well, you can wear a condom without being told you’re going to hell for killing a child. Sperm are cells, cells are living, you kill the sperm when it dries up in that trash can with the condom which caught it. So there’s one right that you have which women do not.

      2. Let’s see… Women only earn about 76%-78% of what a man earns, despite putting the equal amount of effort and working at the exact same position.

        Then there are the sexual abuses. Out of all the rapes committed in the US, a whopping 93.6% were committed by males. 1 in 3 females suffer from sexual abuse at some point of their lives, and the case is worse in third-world countries. Mankind/man, equivalent of humans. Why not woman/womankind? And why the hell does the word ‘woman’ have ‘man’ in it?

        Need I continue?

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